and thats why I carry a gun

Here we are again, that time of year when I can catch up with myself and share a few thoughts with my family and fans. For any and all who are not aware of whats going on in my kingdom Nancy and I are closing on the sale of our home the 28th of september. Since we have long since moved out to our new digs I occasionally drop in at the house for a status check. Today was different from yesterday. There was a truck parked in the driveway........Hmmmmmmm. Alrighty then, lets proceed with a modicum of caution at this point. The door was still locked so I let myself in quietly. Walking thru the family room I heard voices just "a chatting away" like all is right with the world. ENTER NOW THE .40 CALIBER TAURUS SEMI AUTOMATIC HANDGUN!!!!
Looking around I find a guy.........and his DOG on my back porch!!!!!! He had already climbed the 6' chain link fence to get up on the porch for access to the back door. I opened the back door and stepped out showing him the business end of my .40 only to find him trying to hoist his 220 lb porker of a wife up and over the
6' fence!!!! One look at the .40 and he lost alllll interest in hauling his cow up for the view!!!! Down she went!!!! That was priceless. Then they went to a stammering. We a a a we a a just a just a a wanted to see ah to a see ah we ah just and so on. At this point I said "I'LL ESCORT YOU TO THE DOOR" between waving my gun at him and towards the door. My prayer for the day went something like this...Dear God, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??????, AMEN