Irony

I was assembling a fire for my bbq pit using the local "green sheet" for starter. The green sheet is one of those free papers you find in the front of a convenience store advertising garage sale junk and "wholesale" phone service for the ethnically challenged. Phone ads typically start out "No Credit Check, No Social Security Number Required, Habla Espanol!!!!" So while I am wadding up paper for the fire a ad catches my eye. In all of its glory it read as follows, For Sale... Tiger Woods Signature Series golf clubs with signature engraved....$250.00 .............................my, my, my, how the mighty have fallen.

Wonder Dog!!!!

Shiner to the rescue. Nancy and I were feeding the horses and just letting the last one go I muttered in the direction of the horse "we don't even like you anyway" I didn't really mean it but this mare tends to be "contrary" and sometimes she just wears me out. Anyway the heeler thought I was serious and away he went. Barking like a crazed alpaca in the middle of the night, tapping on my windows in the dark, trying to claw my door knob with their hooves in a never ending attempt to get in ......brrrr............uuhhhhh uuhhhhhhh never mind that today but we can revisit this some other time., back to Wonder Dog, he ran her half way across the pasture to get her away from his dad. All Hail WD.
Our dog Martha is a reprobate congenital escape artist so I tied a 10' rope to her collar with a 2lb rubber "Kong" at the end of it for her to drag around. Amazing results, I always know where she's at. Anyway, us in the dogs were going inside and Martha's Kong got stuck and so did she. I looked at Nancy and asked who was gonna help. Right then Wonder Dog turned around, went outside, picked up Martha's Kong and carried it in for her. ALL HAIL WONDER DOG

crash

Nancy and I had decided on sushi for dinner. We embarked across the pasture on the scooter to get to the street and found that one lone pocket of mud on the way out. It was like a slow motion cartoon. The back of the bike wanted to go forward and the front of the bike wanted to go backward. Damn those things are heavy, especially when your standing in a mud hole and your feet keep slipping out from under you. Good thing Nancy is strong. Does this make me a statistic? We were wearing our helmets.

Dark

I remember when my ex wife entered school to become a medical assistant. Oh the excitement of it all. She had all the hopes, dreams and aspirations leading to delusions of grandeur. To her delight the first day was very hands on. The teacher said "this is how to draw blood and everybody WILL get a turn" The first student took the second students blood, the second took the thirds blood and so on. Finally it was the ex's turn!!! She was gonna show the world how it's done! In went the needle, a gentle pull on the syringe and out it came. There were screams and crying. Several did that catholic "spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch thing" Nope, No blood. Simply out of habit she had sucked out the poor girls soul.........Looking back I think that might have been a sign.

Unanswered Questions

Please pray. A friend of mine that I hunted with, vacationed with, worked with, and shared meals with hung himself a few days ago. The funeral is today at 2. I'm just not sure how to process thru this loss. He was 46 with 2 young teen girls and a wife of 25 years.

and thats why I carry a gun

Here we are again, that time of year when I can catch up with myself and share a few thoughts with my family and fans. For any and all who are not aware of whats going on in my kingdom Nancy and I are closing on the sale of our home the 28th of september. Since we have long since moved out to our new digs I occasionally drop in at the house for a status check. Today was different from yesterday. There was a truck parked in the driveway........Hmmmmmmm. Alrighty then, lets proceed with a modicum of caution at this point. The door was still locked so I let myself in quietly. Walking thru the family room I heard voices just "a chatting away" like all is right with the world. ENTER NOW THE .40 CALIBER TAURUS SEMI AUTOMATIC HANDGUN!!!!
Looking around I find a guy.........and his DOG on my back porch!!!!!! He had already climbed the 6' chain link fence to get up on the porch for access to the back door. I opened the back door and stepped out showing him the business end of my .40 only to find him trying to hoist his 220 lb porker of a wife up and over the
6' fence!!!! One look at the .40 and he lost alllll interest in hauling his cow up for the view!!!! Down she went!!!! That was priceless. Then they went to a stammering. We a a a we a a just a just a a wanted to see ah to a see ah we ah just and so on. At this point I said "I'LL ESCORT YOU TO THE DOOR" between waving my gun at him and towards the door. My prayer for the day went something like this...Dear God, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??????, AMEN

at the airport

Ben & I were on the way home from work and ended up taking the short cut thru the airport. On the way to the toll he asked me how much it was and I said $2. I reached into my pocket, got out my money and went back to paper work since Ben was driving. Leaving the toll both I asked him where the rest of my money was and he replied "rest of your money?" I said yeah, I put a pile on my lunch box so you could get $2. He said he figured I just put $2 up and that was it. No wonder the toll booth girl was smiling ear to ear. He did manage to get me my receipt for $2. Damn it.