Friday, May 28, 2010
my realtor
She told me she was the one for the job. She said "I can get it done" She is the player at Century 21 that sends me work all year long. She totally jacked up my MLS on realtor.com She can't f....ng count bathrooms. I have 4 1/2 bath's not 3 1/2. She said that she always thinks the two bathrooms off the master are just one bath. Let me ask you a question, When was the last time you saw 2 crappers in the same bathroom outside of walmart? She took a picture of a tree and put it on the web. Yes it was a tree in my yard but a picture of a tree? She can't read a tape measure either. She listed my living room as 10X14 when its really 20X50!!! A difference of a mere 860 square feet. Equally as many errors from room to room. Maybe she should be a door greeter at walmart.....I think she is related to my mail carrier.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
post-creeped out
We had a delightful evening with Kevin & Willi. GreatGooGoolyMogooly that man can cook!!! Kevin has a "pellet fired" BBQ pit on which he cooked salmon and shrimp. Willi had prepared some cool sides in the kitchen to go with. Dinner was in the cabana so we began eating as the fish came off the grill. OMGsh. I was in the recreational eating phase before the evening was over. Kevin is a wine-ologist at heart. He has a stand up wine cooler in the dining room within arms reach of the table. He has a great philosophy about wine. He buys wine that he likes. When he buys something aged & pricey he doesn't just accept somebody's sayso that its' good. His motto is "prove it, I wanna see for myself" Before the evening was over we had completely consumed a 40 year old bottle of port. SMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmoooooooooooooooooooooTH. Oh yeah, Nobody asked us for sex either.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Synthetic DNA ??
Wow what a great idea!!! Has anybody seen the latest news in the world of science? This DNA mapping could revolutionize our world. I really think this is a old idea revisited trying to hide the usual "new & improved" tripe. Lets take a closer look at what Dr. Craig Venter has to offer his lesser genetic counterparts.
So this "guy" (we need a name for him, lets call him U.Sam) has figured out how to round up renegade free thinking host cells (again we need a name for these cells so I would like to propose we call them J.Q.Public) and contain them in a "controlled environment". This environment might be viewed as a camp of some sort where the cells are concentrated together hence now referred to as C.Camp. The propaganda and reprogramming into the base J.Q.Public cells is always for the greater good of/for/and administered by the larger host itself.............the
Utilitarian Samaritan Auspices, or for short the USA. Well with indiscriminate reprogramming of the cells, they can be applied for virtually any need and direction the greater & enlightened host deems necessary. For example...If the current belief was held by the host that a larger mass of cells were needed to elevate support with regard to "cleaning of the host exterior" a certain segment of the body might be targeted for reprogramming....we could refer to these as Public Asian Cells or PAC's. If we the body as a "whole" needed more exterior grooming for a refined appearance it might use Public Hispanic Cells or PHC's. With these wonderful leaps in technology we can "profile in" or "profile out" any "undesirable traits"
What a great plan!!! Looking at this on a even broader national level we can increase our resource availability by nationalizing all cells deemed "renegades" Kinda reminds me of WW2 with being able to isolate genes, rewrite their natural design and impose a "catch & release program. Hmmmmmmmmm
Inspite of the public assurance's issued by scientist affiliated with the LHC (Large Hadron Collider) regarding the risk of creating a black hole able to swallow our entire galaxy resulting from their experiments is relatively small in the grand scheme of things I still have some reservations.
Where do you suppose God stands on all this?????????????
So this "guy" (we need a name for him, lets call him U.Sam) has figured out how to round up renegade free thinking host cells (again we need a name for these cells so I would like to propose we call them J.Q.Public) and contain them in a "controlled environment". This environment might be viewed as a camp of some sort where the cells are concentrated together hence now referred to as C.Camp. The propaganda and reprogramming into the base J.Q.Public cells is always for the greater good of/for/and administered by the larger host itself.............the
Utilitarian Samaritan Auspices, or for short the USA. Well with indiscriminate reprogramming of the cells, they can be applied for virtually any need and direction the greater & enlightened host deems necessary. For example...If the current belief was held by the host that a larger mass of cells were needed to elevate support with regard to "cleaning of the host exterior" a certain segment of the body might be targeted for reprogramming....we could refer to these as Public Asian Cells or PAC's. If we the body as a "whole" needed more exterior grooming for a refined appearance it might use Public Hispanic Cells or PHC's. With these wonderful leaps in technology we can "profile in" or "profile out" any "undesirable traits"
What a great plan!!! Looking at this on a even broader national level we can increase our resource availability by nationalizing all cells deemed "renegades" Kinda reminds me of WW2 with being able to isolate genes, rewrite their natural design and impose a "catch & release program. Hmmmmmmmmm
Inspite of the public assurance's issued by scientist affiliated with the LHC (Large Hadron Collider) regarding the risk of creating a black hole able to swallow our entire galaxy resulting from their experiments is relatively small in the grand scheme of things I still have some reservations.
Where do you suppose God stands on all this?????????????
Thursday, May 13, 2010
creeped out
Ok, here's the deal. I took on a customer in cleburne that needed A/C work done. Well it turned into a 12K plus job and all's great. Nancy came over and met my customer and we all hit it off really great. Spent some time talking and such and had a very nice time. During the course of things they invited us over for dinner and wine for the 15th. So yesterday I'm driving to a job talking to John about my up coming dinner with Kevin & Willi and out of the blue he say's to me "they seem like the kind of folks that might be swingers" I penciled that in to the corosponding synaps and dendrytes. Fast forward to home with Nancy. Hey Nanc, John said to me that he thinks Kevin and Willi might be swingers and Nancy then says to me "I was thinking the same thing"......................I'm soooo creeped out at this point I don't know what to do. They are really nice folks and if I'm wrong I don't want to screw up a potentially good friendship. But if they are how will this play out? Will they wait til someone has to pee and make their move? I'm afraid to go pee now. I might let it be known that Nancy has a.........I mean that I have a rash of an embarassing nature and I'm not sure where I got it? What kind of name is Willi for a girl any way? Beside's, I'm not even attracted to Kevin.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
3 Randoms :-)
Page 1
I'm not sure this counts......but I think I might have "felt up" Nancy's mom a few days ago. I know....it makes my head hurt thinking about it. It all started when Nancy and I made our weekly trek to Southlake to see her parents at their retirement home. The plan was to get the old folks and take them out for a bite to eat. Her dad, Phil is always ready for a run on the town but Ethel usually needs some maintenance so off too the bedroom she goes. Nancy, Phil & I are having a nice visit (I have my back to the bedroom door) when Ethel returns and stands just a little behind me out of my line of site. She took my hand like she usually does when we go somewhere, I looked at Nancy in time to see her smile, then it happened.....................................Ethel reached in to her blouse, took her boob out and put it in my hand...........................That seems a little wrong doesn't it? Having an 86 year old woman's boob in my hand. When I looked over only to find out it was her prosthetic boob I didn't know if I should be horrified or relieved.
Page 2
Doctors & Nurses
Years ago I knew somebody who wanted to be a Medical Assistant. That's a respectable profession. The story went like this. On the very first day of class the teacher said they would all learn to provide injections to patients. The way this is done is as follows.
1. The teacher volunteers one student and performs an injection on said student.
(none of that practicing on a tomato crap like you see on TV)
2. You may return to your seat now.
3. Ok, now that you have seen it done on my first volunteer I will divide
the class in half. The first half will be the volunteers and the second half will provide the injections. After you have successfully performed the injection you will reverse roles and become the said volunteer.
4. Repeat.
5. Repeat again.
6. Repeat the repeat.
So now here's is the question that begs to be answered as I have a doctors appointment coming up soon.
For the doctors and nurses I previously mentioned,
"when prostate exam day rolls around in the class room, just how does that play out?"
*******PLEASE GOD, I DON'T WANT TO VOLUNTEER
Page 3
Nancy and I went to Glenrose on the scooter last night to eat dinner at restaurant by the river. Its in a house built back in the late 1800's. Great dinner. Beautiful evening. Highway 67 straight home. Eeeeeeeeasy. Were rolling along kinda stretching the scooters legs if you will and I see the prettiest blues and the brightest red lights in my mirrors. poop. Well ossifer friendly wanted to chat about where I was going and why. Why do they always ask that? It never seems to change the general outcome of the situation. Apparently he had been trying to visit with me for a while because after we got to talking another of his buddies showed up. He then informed me that he had radioed 3 other of his friends to come to the gig if they could catch me. So were standing there on the side of the road and the strangest thing happened to Nancy. She had some sort of reaction to the flashing lights and her nose started to itch. I didn't want to alarm her but my first thought was that they figured they had caught a coked up couple running in from meheko. Look away baby. DON'T let em see you scratch. Tic Toc Tic Toc. Well as it turns out he ended up giving me an invitation to some guy named J. McBrooms party. Judge McBroom, yeah thats it. So I took my invitation and God as my witness said "I need you boys to count to 10 when I leave" Oh yeah and the ticket? Lets just say I did the 18 miles from Glenrose to Cleburne in 12 minutes. You do the math.
I'm not sure this counts......but I think I might have "felt up" Nancy's mom a few days ago. I know....it makes my head hurt thinking about it. It all started when Nancy and I made our weekly trek to Southlake to see her parents at their retirement home. The plan was to get the old folks and take them out for a bite to eat. Her dad, Phil is always ready for a run on the town but Ethel usually needs some maintenance so off too the bedroom she goes. Nancy, Phil & I are having a nice visit (I have my back to the bedroom door) when Ethel returns and stands just a little behind me out of my line of site. She took my hand like she usually does when we go somewhere, I looked at Nancy in time to see her smile, then it happened.....................................Ethel reached in to her blouse, took her boob out and put it in my hand...........................That seems a little wrong doesn't it? Having an 86 year old woman's boob in my hand. When I looked over only to find out it was her prosthetic boob I didn't know if I should be horrified or relieved.
Page 2
Doctors & Nurses
Years ago I knew somebody who wanted to be a Medical Assistant. That's a respectable profession. The story went like this. On the very first day of class the teacher said they would all learn to provide injections to patients. The way this is done is as follows.
1. The teacher volunteers one student and performs an injection on said student.
(none of that practicing on a tomato crap like you see on TV)
2. You may return to your seat now.
3. Ok, now that you have seen it done on my first volunteer I will divide
the class in half. The first half will be the volunteers and the second half will provide the injections. After you have successfully performed the injection you will reverse roles and become the said volunteer.
4. Repeat.
5. Repeat again.
6. Repeat the repeat.
So now here's is the question that begs to be answered as I have a doctors appointment coming up soon.
For the doctors and nurses I previously mentioned,
"when prostate exam day rolls around in the class room, just how does that play out?"
*******PLEASE GOD, I DON'T WANT TO VOLUNTEER
Page 3
Nancy and I went to Glenrose on the scooter last night to eat dinner at restaurant by the river. Its in a house built back in the late 1800's. Great dinner. Beautiful evening. Highway 67 straight home. Eeeeeeeeasy. Were rolling along kinda stretching the scooters legs if you will and I see the prettiest blues and the brightest red lights in my mirrors. poop. Well ossifer friendly wanted to chat about where I was going and why. Why do they always ask that? It never seems to change the general outcome of the situation. Apparently he had been trying to visit with me for a while because after we got to talking another of his buddies showed up. He then informed me that he had radioed 3 other of his friends to come to the gig if they could catch me. So were standing there on the side of the road and the strangest thing happened to Nancy. She had some sort of reaction to the flashing lights and her nose started to itch. I didn't want to alarm her but my first thought was that they figured they had caught a coked up couple running in from meheko. Look away baby. DON'T let em see you scratch. Tic Toc Tic Toc. Well as it turns out he ended up giving me an invitation to some guy named J. McBrooms party. Judge McBroom, yeah thats it. So I took my invitation and God as my witness said "I need you boys to count to 10 when I leave" Oh yeah and the ticket? Lets just say I did the 18 miles from Glenrose to Cleburne in 12 minutes. You do the math.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Fairness ?
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Now a word from our sponsor.
"The actions by the Arizona legislature threaten "to undermine basic notions of fairness that we cherish as Americans," Obama said. It also may hamper trust between residents and law enforcement authorities, he said.
DID ANYBODY CATCH THAT??????????????
I read it twice, ok three times and I didnt see any mentions of fairness by the authors of this pledge. I see promises of justice, of a unified nation living under the sovreignty of God, and a dash of Liberty thrown in for good measure. Do we need to discount the pledge of allegiance to accomodate our new politically correct policies?
Now this fairness crap thrown in by the current dictator encouraging all of us to be equal cause thats whats fair is, is a load of shit. The whole concept of living in a republic (yes I know that it may come as a suprise to some of you that we don't live in a democracy in spite of what you were told) designed around a capitalistic system is anything but fair. Here's the deal. You work hard you make lots of money and retire at a reasonable age with a certain level of dignity. If you dont work you live off the welfare system ( If anything was so inappropriately named its that. It should be called the loserfair or the I'm lazy cause its fair system) hell, fair isn't even a real word as far as I'm concerned. What did your dad tell you when you said "Its not fair"? He said "Tough, it's my decision and not yours"
Why is it that grownassadults cant take no for an answer? Perhaps because we live in a world surrounded by adult children, raised by spoiled baby boomers who have made living in a state of excess the norm. This whole "entitlement" attitude makes me so sick I want to crap out my mouth. I commend Jill Brewer and the AZ congress for taking agressive action against law breakers. Action that was mandated by what is RIGHT and JUST since our federal government is run by a bunch of pussies who got there PC weener in a twist cause it didn"t make EVERYONE happy at the same time. Arizona made the fed's look bad by doing their job for them.
I'm sending Jan Brewer campaign money the next time she runs for any office, be it governor, senator, or hall monitor.
Now a word from our sponsor.
"The actions by the Arizona legislature threaten "to undermine basic notions of fairness that we cherish as Americans," Obama said. It also may hamper trust between residents and law enforcement authorities, he said.
DID ANYBODY CATCH THAT??????????????
I read it twice, ok three times and I didnt see any mentions of fairness by the authors of this pledge. I see promises of justice, of a unified nation living under the sovreignty of God, and a dash of Liberty thrown in for good measure. Do we need to discount the pledge of allegiance to accomodate our new politically correct policies?
Now this fairness crap thrown in by the current dictator encouraging all of us to be equal cause thats whats fair is, is a load of shit. The whole concept of living in a republic (yes I know that it may come as a suprise to some of you that we don't live in a democracy in spite of what you were told) designed around a capitalistic system is anything but fair. Here's the deal. You work hard you make lots of money and retire at a reasonable age with a certain level of dignity. If you dont work you live off the welfare system ( If anything was so inappropriately named its that. It should be called the loserfair or the I'm lazy cause its fair system) hell, fair isn't even a real word as far as I'm concerned. What did your dad tell you when you said "Its not fair"? He said "Tough, it's my decision and not yours"
Why is it that grownassadults cant take no for an answer? Perhaps because we live in a world surrounded by adult children, raised by spoiled baby boomers who have made living in a state of excess the norm. This whole "entitlement" attitude makes me so sick I want to crap out my mouth. I commend Jill Brewer and the AZ congress for taking agressive action against law breakers. Action that was mandated by what is RIGHT and JUST since our federal government is run by a bunch of pussies who got there PC weener in a twist cause it didn"t make EVERYONE happy at the same time. Arizona made the fed's look bad by doing their job for them.
I'm sending Jan Brewer campaign money the next time she runs for any office, be it governor, senator, or hall monitor.
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