Reverse Discrimination

I quoted a HVAC job last night at 8pm--sharp as that was when my prospect asked me to arrive. Pam and her husband listened intently as I made my proposal. Nancy and I really had our "A" game on. I was even considering buying my own proposal....it was that good. Well 20 minutes had elapsed so I dropped the big one and asked him for $15,619.37 At this point he said "thanks for coming by but we have already made our decision. Were gonna go Geo-Thermal!!
Huh?? What??? Your kidding right?? I said GT has to be THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS for an air conditioner. His response was very kind and professional so I don't fault him at all but in a nut this is what he said......or at least this is what I heard. "You were out of the hunt before you parked your truck, Since you were so kind to pay your taxes promptly and in full the Obama administration in all of its glory and wisdom is gonna give me TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS of your tax money for me to give to your competitor the geo thermal guy. This way I get to purchase my air conditioner for not only below market cost but actually less than what it cost to manufacture it.
Isn't AmeriKa great!!!!
Welcome to the USSA, You are now semi-free to roam about the country....FOR A FEE!!!!!

Pot calling the Kettle BLACK

My blessed Nancy in all her Saint-hood was on her way to Wal-Mart to pick up my blood pressure meds when in a moment of weakness I volunteered to go in with her. I guess I felt a little guilty about sending her in alone. Anyway, nobody can find my Rx. We are doing our designated part by standing in line preventing any other customers from receiving their Rx's while the clerk begins to implode in front of a now very interested and anxious crowd. She appeared to be warming up in the Christmas spirit as she was approaching critical mass at an excessively high rate of speed. Add in the 4 year old in the back of the grocery section screaming so loudly we can still hear him up front in the pharmacy and we have everything we need for a highly charged exchange. Breathe in......Breathe out......ouuussaaaaaaa Breathe in....... Breathe out...... Well it turns out that the pharmacy tech can neither read or write and had butchered my last name between copying it from my Rx to the label on the bottle. It was at this point the clerk leaned over the counter and uttered these words "She screws up Rx's all the time, You just cant fix stupid"
Dear God, help me. If she could of only heard all the voices screaming in my head.
Once again Wal-Mart never ceases to disappoint me.

Irony

I was assembling a fire for my bbq pit using the local "green sheet" for starter. The green sheet is one of those free papers you find in the front of a convenience store advertising garage sale junk and "wholesale" phone service for the ethnically challenged. Phone ads typically start out "No Credit Check, No Social Security Number Required, Habla Espanol!!!!" So while I am wadding up paper for the fire a ad catches my eye. In all of its glory it read as follows, For Sale... Tiger Woods Signature Series golf clubs with signature engraved....$250.00 .............................my, my, my, how the mighty have fallen.

Wonder Dog!!!!

Shiner to the rescue. Nancy and I were feeding the horses and just letting the last one go I muttered in the direction of the horse "we don't even like you anyway" I didn't really mean it but this mare tends to be "contrary" and sometimes she just wears me out. Anyway the heeler thought I was serious and away he went. Barking like a crazed alpaca in the middle of the night, tapping on my windows in the dark, trying to claw my door knob with their hooves in a never ending attempt to get in ......brrrr............uuhhhhh uuhhhhhhh never mind that today but we can revisit this some other time., back to Wonder Dog, he ran her half way across the pasture to get her away from his dad. All Hail WD.
Our dog Martha is a reprobate congenital escape artist so I tied a 10' rope to her collar with a 2lb rubber "Kong" at the end of it for her to drag around. Amazing results, I always know where she's at. Anyway, us in the dogs were going inside and Martha's Kong got stuck and so did she. I looked at Nancy and asked who was gonna help. Right then Wonder Dog turned around, went outside, picked up Martha's Kong and carried it in for her. ALL HAIL WONDER DOG

crash

Nancy and I had decided on sushi for dinner. We embarked across the pasture on the scooter to get to the street and found that one lone pocket of mud on the way out. It was like a slow motion cartoon. The back of the bike wanted to go forward and the front of the bike wanted to go backward. Damn those things are heavy, especially when your standing in a mud hole and your feet keep slipping out from under you. Good thing Nancy is strong. Does this make me a statistic? We were wearing our helmets.

Dark

I remember when my ex wife entered school to become a medical assistant. Oh the excitement of it all. She had all the hopes, dreams and aspirations leading to delusions of grandeur. To her delight the first day was very hands on. The teacher said "this is how to draw blood and everybody WILL get a turn" The first student took the second students blood, the second took the thirds blood and so on. Finally it was the ex's turn!!! She was gonna show the world how it's done! In went the needle, a gentle pull on the syringe and out it came. There were screams and crying. Several did that catholic "spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch thing" Nope, No blood. Simply out of habit she had sucked out the poor girls soul.........Looking back I think that might have been a sign.

Unanswered Questions

Please pray. A friend of mine that I hunted with, vacationed with, worked with, and shared meals with hung himself a few days ago. The funeral is today at 2. I'm just not sure how to process thru this loss. He was 46 with 2 young teen girls and a wife of 25 years.

and thats why I carry a gun

Here we are again, that time of year when I can catch up with myself and share a few thoughts with my family and fans. For any and all who are not aware of whats going on in my kingdom Nancy and I are closing on the sale of our home the 28th of september. Since we have long since moved out to our new digs I occasionally drop in at the house for a status check. Today was different from yesterday. There was a truck parked in the driveway........Hmmmmmmm. Alrighty then, lets proceed with a modicum of caution at this point. The door was still locked so I let myself in quietly. Walking thru the family room I heard voices just "a chatting away" like all is right with the world. ENTER NOW THE .40 CALIBER TAURUS SEMI AUTOMATIC HANDGUN!!!!
Looking around I find a guy.........and his DOG on my back porch!!!!!! He had already climbed the 6' chain link fence to get up on the porch for access to the back door. I opened the back door and stepped out showing him the business end of my .40 only to find him trying to hoist his 220 lb porker of a wife up and over the
6' fence!!!! One look at the .40 and he lost alllll interest in hauling his cow up for the view!!!! Down she went!!!! That was priceless. Then they went to a stammering. We a a a we a a just a just a a wanted to see ah to a see ah we ah just and so on. At this point I said "I'LL ESCORT YOU TO THE DOOR" between waving my gun at him and towards the door. My prayer for the day went something like this...Dear God, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??????, AMEN

at the airport

Ben & I were on the way home from work and ended up taking the short cut thru the airport. On the way to the toll he asked me how much it was and I said $2. I reached into my pocket, got out my money and went back to paper work since Ben was driving. Leaving the toll both I asked him where the rest of my money was and he replied "rest of your money?" I said yeah, I put a pile on my lunch box so you could get $2. He said he figured I just put $2 up and that was it. No wonder the toll booth girl was smiling ear to ear. He did manage to get me my receipt for $2. Damn it.

Local Tattoo Shop

Hell-Bent Tattoo's advertisement read as follows.
" 6's on sale now, buy 2 and get the 3rd free "

Things that make you go Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

????

Perhaps that was a smidge too cerebral.

Rhode Island (pronounced Eye-Land) isn't actually an island it's part of a main land (pronounced Maineland)

Congenital Liars

Can you believe anything what a native from Rhode Island might say?
Think about it.
For example. Where are you from?
Rhode ISLAND.

missed appointment

Am I in trouble?? This rain makes me sleepy. Rolled out of bed around 9ish this morning, dragged myself into the kitchen 930ish, ok maybe 10ish-ish. Checked my day planner for the order of todays events. #1. Jury Duty-8:30am at the Johnson County Court House. Hmmmmmmmmm where's my easy button??

Ultimate PC

In the UK, in a DISCO bar (if you can believe something like that still exist) a man who is a regular performer at the disco bar was recently arrested. For what horrific crime you ask? What could a man do at an age where you are still even interested in disco that could be so terrible? This guy had the audacity to sing....."They were Kung Foo fighting" Yup, he sang Kung Foo Fighting and two non-caucasians got there feelers hurt, called the pc police and had him arrested. The police were quoted as saying "the law is the law" so we arrested him on something similar to hate crimes. The nerve of this guy!!! What an insensitive bigot!!! I for one feel much safer now that this man is off the streets. I can't even imagine the carnage that would befall me if I were to hum.....something like Eric Claptons "I shot the Sheriff"

It was a moment of pure Genius!!!

The waiter arrived at our table with our drink order and with out missing a single beat I blurted out "My wife say's your name is Adrienne but I said she's wrong" He looked straight at Nancy and flatly said "My name is Rick" then turned around and walked off as if to say with his body language do I look like an freakin Adrienne?
Alrighty then, I know his name know. Nancy was sitting there with that "deer in the headlights" look wanting to know what the hell just happened and why she's always the one who ends up under the bus. Hmmmmmm Anyway I looked pretty smooth. More beer please and a margarita for the Mrs.

Curve Ball

I was wandering down memory lane yesterday. Rembering when I was given a beautiful almost new craftsman shop-vac. Sooooooo proud and happy to add this new tool to my arsenal of tools!! I tossed it it the back of my truck along with all the other items waiting to be processed into my shop. As the story goes all was good and the next morning was church and I was running late so I decided instead of going to the shop I would simply toss it in the truck when I got to church. Idiot proof plan. Well about 5 miles into my journey I gazed into my rear view mirror to find my prized shop-vac GONE!!!! Wind must have blown it out as it was resting on a "few" "unprocessed" items. I U-turned in the middle of the highway to retrace my steps, determined no one else would have my vac I traveled at a modest 85-90 mph in search of my beloved vac. Passing people at a rate that some would deem reckless I didnt care, it was MY NEW SHOP-VAC !!!! Turn after turn I searched the ditches on both sides of the road for my vac. All the way back to my very own driveway and no shop-vac. Disappointment over came me. I made up my mind, some theivin rat-bastard stole my shop-vac!!! Anybody with any sense of decency would just know that a man would come back in search of his shop-vac............then I saw it..........no, not my shop-vac but a small piece of extension cord caught between my tail gate and the bed rail of my truck. OMG. As I walked behind my truck I experienced a completely new level of disappointment. Behind my truck there lie my shop-vac having been helplessly dragged down the highway at 90 mph for 5 miles. I wondered what the many people were thinking as I screamed past them in my truck watching me drag the shit out of my shop-vac..........I think there is a moral to this story but just not sure what is. :-((

No Joke

This is just a quick note to tell everyone how much I love Nancy. She is the world to me. She knows HOW to love ME. She understands me. My eccentricity's. My weaknesses. My strengths. My......just who I am. I would have given my all to have experienced the privilege of loving her 30 years ago. She is the woman I will slay the dragon for. My son Trenton respects her!!! That says a lot!!! She is wise!!! She is gentle. She is......a Princess!!!! She IS a Proverbs 31 woman!!!!

Used Cars

I sent my son on a service call Tuesday. Simple instruction. Find out whats wrong, fix it and get his money. Trenton calls me a bit later and says "Its fixed" Great job I tell him, what did we do? So he says it needed a new thermostat wire pulled to the outdoor unit since an animal had chewed it. It all took about and hour. I said bill him a $125 and get out of there so we can go on to other things. Apparently he had me on speaker phone because the very next thing I heard was my customer screaming "$125 for a wire and I'M THE ONE WHO HAD TO GO UNDER THE HOUSE??" OMG!!!!!!! Thats right, my son had sent my customer under his own house cause he didn't wanna get dirty. As incredulous as that sounds you really have to admire the gift. Ahhhh if I could only train him to use his powers for good instead of evil. Perhaps he should be selling used cars instead. I can hear it now, This is your lucky day!! I just had a 78'ford fiesta traded in by a little old lady who only drove it to church on sunday and to market every other wednesday, How much money do ya got?????.........

He DOES speak english!!

Nancy and I were laying in bed in our RV at the farm saturday. It was about 4:30 in the morning and I was cold. I said to her that if she didn't get over here and warm me up I was gonna get the heeler to take her place!! In a heart beat Shiner the wonder dog jumped over the couch and onto the bed, landed on top of me and buried his nose under my chin!!! It was as if to say "here I am dad, you don't need her!!!"
That will teach her!! I have someone waitng in the wings to take her place!!!

EVERY mans fantasy

Yesterday, Febuary 24, 2011, was possibly the most unique day of my entire life. My Princess Nancy and I were in Ft Worth taking care of some business when we met Cynthia English. A lady I guess in her mid thirties. Great smile. Cynthia invited us over to her place for a cup of coffee which I heartily embraced!!! Cynthia had a really nice place so we felt quite relaxed. Nancy decided to recline and that's when things took a turn. While the 3 of us were setting together Nancy had already taken off her shirt & bra while Cynthia began to rub her hands all over Nancy's breast. OMG!!!! She rubbed them all over........... and over and over and over............. :-))))))

Then she gave us a bill. Dr.Cynthia English OBGYN. Texas Health Care Systems,Baylor

Does this still count??????

real life

Yesterday was a first. Nancy and I consumated our first firearm sale. Two semi-automatic hand guns deposited into the hands of 2 very white anglo saxon protestants. Seems fitting doesn't it. A nice young couple who understand that today's guns are tomorrows currency. PatriotWeapon.com Remember that link for your firearm needs!!! I can be reached at PatriotWeapon@Gmail.com

I ordered and received my much coveted cast iron dutch oven from amazon.com I was so excited when the postal worker wheeled it out on a dolly. (what a sissy) Here, let me help you load it. Uhg. shit thats heavy. Its a big box, proly a lot of packing. Off to the casa. Nancy, hurry up and help me with this. Geeze Robert thats a really big box. Nevermind that, just lift!!
OMG that things HUGE!!! It covers half the stove top!!!!!!! What size did you order???
Not that its any of your business but its a 20 quart!! Do you think we can dump it on craigslist????

She devil?

So Nancy and I were discussing flags being at half mast today and the society we live in and naturally the subject of random shootings and Gabby Gifford came up. The tragedy of a 9 year old child being murdered, a federal judge, and so on. I mentioned that Gifford was being flown to a rehab in Houston today. (for those who live under a rock Mrs Gifford was shot in the forehead and the bullet exited the back of her head) Nancy was totally amazed at the miracle of Gifford surviving such an atrocity much less walking unassisted in less than 2 weeks. With my modest education of the Book of Revelation I asked Nancy "Do you suppose that Gifford is the Anti-Christ?" The bible says that the anti-christ will recover from what appears to be a fatal wound to the head. With out missing a beat my lovely bride asked me "is she a republican or a democrat?" (that might have cost her some karma points)I have to admit I never saw that coming. My response was this: Nancy, I don't think God differentiates between democrats and republicans when making an anti-christ.
Things that make you go Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Ya just can't make this shit up

Today....yes TODAY, mark it down, January 18, 2011, my very own Federal Firearms License arrived in the mail. I need to ask this question. Did ANYBODY who knew me as an adolescent ever dream that I would possess an FFL???????? I know that to have known me growing up it would have been a wild card guess that me, Robert Watts Hardter would be trusted & licensed by the ATF to sell guns to YOU!!!! Some things are just so funny & unexpected that you just don't know what to say. So to all who understand that God can bring about miraculous changes in a man I say "Here I am" and to all who say its just a fluke or there is no justice I say "bite me" To the ATF I say "yall are gonna just have to ride thisw one out to the finish"...........................................PS my wife believes in me, hence I succeed as a man. Who deserves the credit? Me? proly not. My wife? maybe.
Creator God? Hmmmmmmmm

The Fuller Brush Guy

I can't think of a more emotionally challenging job than that of being a Fuller Brush Salesman. I figure it requires people who just thrive on rejection. How in the world do you get up in the morning knowing that the first 99 folks you talk to are gonna tell you to hit the road before that one golden individual says "yes, as a matter of fact I do want some toilet bowl cleaner" These are trying times we live in. Keeping perspective on our lives is very important. I paid a even $100 to fill my truck this morning. Never thought I would live long enough to see that but that's another story. None the less my point is being grateful for what I do have, or possibly what I Don't have. I don't have to stand on a 120 degree street in August working a shovel in the city. I don't have hepatitis. I do have a fantastic wife and the Wonder Dog Shiner (yes he does have a cape). I have peace in my life. I hope you find a place of peace and contentment in your life. To be content in life is to have reconciled yourself with where you have been and willing to accept where you are going. Everybody sing with me now..."Happy trails to you.....until we again"

Who da thought

Mark this day in your history books. Today, January 10, 2011, the ATF&E (Alcohol,Tabacco, Fire Arms & Explosives) approved me for a FFL. Thats a Federal Fire Arms License. I am authorized by the federal government for the sale of fire arms to the public as well as law enforcement officials. Good Gosh. This opens up a whole new world for me. A ATF agent agent sat in my home and interviewed me & the mrs. Apparently they don't read my blog. Good thing that didn't come up in the interview. Does anybody wanna buy a gun?????????????

PC will be the beginning of history rewritten

OMG
Lets review. Here is an excerpt from a news article regarding Mark Twain's Huck Finn.

Now comes a new edition from Alan Gribben, a Twain scholar at Auburn University in Alabama, that eliminates the offending word, replacing it with the word “slave.’’

WHERE ARE WE GOING IF WE DONT KNOW WHERE WE CAME FROM??????????????????

A classic work is being rewritten in the name of political correctness because someones "feelers" got hurt. Stop carrying your feelings on your sleeve and be a real person. In 1885 this country's entire mind set was built on the foundation of the strongest survive. The peripheal fall out was bias and racism. NOT condoning either of these lines of thought in a "enlightend" society but how does rewriting/editing/censoring one of the great literary classics improve our society? In my humble perception if we deny the origins of our substance we are destined to repeat our errors. Hmmmmmm so that means if you/we/I buy into this pc shit our children our condenmed to the predijuices of our predessecors. Here's an idea, instead of denying Mark Twain owned a pencil and insted of denying nazi Germany existed take a good look at who you are and where you came from. Instead of letting pride get in your way and hiding behind the tag of PC just ask yourself "is this what I believe?" if not or if so ask the God who made you to forgive you for being human and not perfect. Grow your ass up and make a difference instead of playing like history never happened.

Hello? Is anybody out there?????????????

281 is the magic number

281....that's it....the magic number. $281.44 is what it cost to have lighting and appliances in your very own RV. Ouch, that stings just a little. I cant begin to tell you the amount of apprehension and trepidation I experienced prior to flipping the switch after I finished all my "new" wiring. The retailer has been thru this before as the box is Clearly marked NO RETURNS ON OPENED PRODUCTS, Grrrrr. Oh well, lesson learned........read the f......sticker first. God bless my wife. She is a saint. NOT ONCE did she EVER criticize me in any way. All she asked was "Can ya fix it?" I'm gonna get a church named after her. St. Nancy's of the Emotionally Worn and Spiritually Disenfranchised